As I was walking to college today, I saw an elderly lady who could barely walk and was incapable of standing up right. She was trying to climb down the stairs on the SS15 side of the bridge while carrying 2 small recyclable bags which seemed like 50kg weights to her. As she crept inch by inch along the surface of the concrete, a million thoughts overwhelmed me as i stood there watching.
Instant reaction was to feel pity for the pain she was going through. The next came the fear of asking if she needed help for I was afraid it would get awkward if she didn't understand me or she mistakes me for trying to harm her. Then my mind traveled to a darker place where I thought it was a scam and someone would come and rob me if i tried to help her.
She noticed me and mumbled a few words i could barely make out. I understood it as she wondered what i wanted, so i tried to signal to her to ask if she was ok or needed help. She continued mumbling while still staring at me. After 2 or 3 more attempts at trying to get my message across that i could help if she wanted to, i noticed what i thought was a small wave of a hand that i instantly took as a "dunnit la" sign and i took off. Problem was, i don't think that was what it meant at all.
As i continued walking to college, I've never felt worst. The guilt crept inside me and i glanced behind to see that she still hasn't made it up the step that i saw her at earlier. But still, i kept walking. Besides the fact that i stood there for so long and took no action, besides the fact that i witnessed her small wave of hand and took it as a way out, the worse was that despite how bad i felt, it was gone within the next few minutes.
We as a society have reached a breaking point where we refuse to help homeless people for fear of getting mugged. We refuse to donate to some elderly citizens who come to you during your lunch and try to sell something for fear that it is a scam. We secretly scoff at the well dressed youths who come up to ask for money they are trying to get for a children's foundation or an orphanage because we feel they are frauds and we are not going to be fools of that. That is sad.
It is sad that we value money we get in a day, over potentially helping someone who gets the same amount in a month. It is sad that we fear getting robbed while 8 times out of 10 we could actually be helping someone who really needs it. If we get scammed, we lose RM5-RM10 of our allowance or pay. But if we turn a blind eye on these people, we potentially cost them a week's meal. Is it worth it? Is saving that spare change worth the pride that you successfully foiled a plot to steal your money? A plot you don't even know if it is for real.
But worse of all, as sad as it is that we refuse to help, it is even sadder when you realize that people are being morally hailed when they do help. Have common courtesy or a single sign of humanity become so rare, that when we do see it, we worship it? Or even worse, we dub them as lucky to have not been taken advantaged of. I am guilty as ever for i have turned away many beggars or people asking for donations and chances are i will again sometime in the future because that was the way i was brought up in this world.
And i feel sad for living my life this way. 19 years. I'm almost 19. I've known nothing but luxury. I've never had to struggle on the streets where you sleep at night not knowing if the next day will bring food or will ever come at all. Who am i to say how these people should live their lives? Who am i to have the audacity to ask them to find better means of getting money. And how should i feel if in their shoes? How should they feel about people shunning them because low lives around the city have been acting like them just to scam others. They've never done anything wrong. I once watched a video where an elderly man said of a homeless person to a bartender "If you've never struggled, you wouldn't know what it is like." These people struggle and we have the spine to tell them how to overcome something we barely know anything about.
It ate me up when i left that elderly woman at the steps today, but not nearly as it should have. Even as i am typing this, i am carefully considering if i should type a promise that i will jump to help the next time i encounter such a situation. Truth is, i'm a coward. But i'm making a step to grow. A step to do better. A step to be human. It starts with admittance, and then comes repentance. Life is bigger than this.
